I lay in bed and looked back on the past couple of days and realized how much I’ve allowed myself to get caught up in negative energy. I have recently completed my first half of undergrad at Oxford and though I am completely exasperated for Emory in the fall, these past two years has changed and helped me grow so much as an individual and i know that i would miss this place where everything began. I’ve made so many great connections with people that I wholeheartedly believe will be a part of my life forever. These friends are so genuine, and some of the greatest people in the world. I left Oxford with excitment and so much positive energy and support from everyone in my life yet I have allowed for all these memories to be shadowed by a single negative obstacle. I told myself that I’ve tried so hard to make an effort to do the right thing and only act out of kindness and true selfless love for another. And it hurt when I realized that others may not look at the situation in the same light and for many people, love is simply conditional. Some just simply claim to love but only under the condition that they are getting their share of bargain and when things no longer work out the way they intended, the care and simple decency is completely cut off. It was painful and disappointing to see a different or possibly true side of a person who I have cared so much for and this anger has eaten me up all weekend. Now I lay in bed and realize that the only thing that I can fully control is myself and no one else. Expecting to hold someone accountable to reciprocate my actions or belief is simply setting myself up for failure. Rather just love and accept. I accept. The hate that I had in my heart these last couple of days have done nothing but overwhelmed me with pain and agony, something that I know is not what God wants for me. He has suffered and died on the cross for my sins and for that reason I owe it to him to be happy and to rejoice. “If you want to forget something or someone, never hate it, or never hate him/her. Everything and everyone that you hate is engraved upon your heart; if you want to let go of something, if you want to forget, you cannot hate.” ― C. JoyBell C. 

Father, Your Love has forgiven me of all my sins so please give me the love and heart to follow your example. Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. 

Change is an essential part of life, sometimes it comes with pain, and other times, with exasperation. I have once more closed another chapter of my life, but this time… it feels so different. I don’t feel heartbroken, bittered, or a consistent pondering of where things have gone wrong, and  certainly no feelings of animosity towards anyone. Just a simple feeling of acceptance. Partially because I am a strong advocate of forgiveness, and mostly because I am really starting to understand the value of twists and turns in God’s story for me. 

One must truly accept changes in order to fully embrace what is in store for the future. I truly am excited to see what is next to come. Time to move forward. 

Rituals and certain ways of exercising the faith are looked at nowadays as wet blankets and the truth is that they are… when one forgets why they do it.
-wiseman

Lesson of Life I finally understand. I’m a big lover and a very maternal one as well. I always take things so personally when the people around me screw up. Not because I feel disappointed or embarrasses but because I love them too much that it hurts when I feel that they are settling for something less than what they deserve. But who am I to really say what is right and what is wrong; I’ve too had my share of mistakes. God, the Great Giver of Life, who has no sins, has loved me enough to give me free will, so who am I to say that I cant. You cant always protect people you love and you certainly cant expect them to see things the way that you do. Really loving someone,is let them go to find what it is they are looking for, but being right there when things fall apart.